January 4, 2015

  • My twin brother got sick, and may not be able to go to work tomorrow. A few hours later, I came down with the colds. I think this is because I was ribbing him so much about just wanting to avoid work after a long holiday. I was trying to help my son to sleep when I sneezed about five times straight. Good thing he is not too sensitive to noise. I just hope he does not get whatever virus is currently circulating around the household.
  • He also made a remark about our “changed ways”, immediately detailing about how we, including my mom, are constantly looking at our smartphones and/or tablets, browsing the web or facebook. This hit home hard since I thought I was doing well balancing my online and offline life. I’m not the one to follow the trend of making resolutions, but I will be decreasing my “face down” time. I don’t want to have my son emulate this.
  • I’m starting to take a little more control of the clutter around the house. I think it’s the parenting instinct kicking in. I am starting to clean a little more frequently, and am thinking of ways to maximize the space that we have. Here I thought I was going to stay oblivious to the stuff building up inside the house. It’s also probably because of what my colleague showed me:

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It’s her cabinet, formerly clean, white and blank. It now has a decal of one of her favorite characters, Kenshin Himura.

On to my next challenge: putting appropriate tags on this post. I’ll just have to get back to that later.

Kick Starter

It’s been almost half a year since I last visited my journal. I have no excuse now. I finally got my own laptop, I have somewhat adjusted on being a dad, and I most especially want to influence my son to start his own journal too.

A few changes I am going to make:

1. Avoid trying too hard: I have been a stat-crackhead. I wanted more people to visit my blog, so I have been exerting more effort in becoming who I am not. I will now be writing in my own style, although I don’t think I have a distinct style.No matter how short my post is, I should not care and just write it down and post it.

2. Address Alpha: In relation to #1, I will be addressing my son in my future posts to avoid going back to my old stat-whoring ways. I am hoping this will help me who my target audience is: my kids (hoping for 2 kids, maximum. One down).

3. Be more positive: I will try to be more cheerful, both on and offline. I don’t want to be too grumpy anymore, and I want to, again, be a good role model for my first born. I have started with the new theme, which also contains the color my wife and I picked for our son, blue.

I forgot a few more things. I will include them if I remember them.

Side note: I have to get used to the new WordPress user interface. I had to use the classic interface since this post kept appearing as a new page.

Daily Prompt: Personal Space

“To what extent is your blog a place for your own self-expression and creativity vs. a site designed to attract readers? How do you balance that? If sticking to certain topics and types of posts meant your readership would triple, would you do it?” 

I’ll show you my stats to answer the question above.

My Month's Statistics
My Month’s Statistics

I can confidently say that I have a lot of visitors, and that the question above does not apply to me. I can be as random as I want and still get the numbers I want.

NOT.

If you haven’t noticed yet, I purposely removed the numbers on the left side of the graph, and left out the bars to make me look like a “real blogger” (and maybe a fool). My real and woeful stat-line is (drum roll please):

My Monthly Statistics 2
My Monthly Statistics 2

Ta-daa! 

I can’t even break the 20 views per day mark.

I started this blog because I wanted to have something to look back to, when I get old. I wanted to have a means to reminisce, and see what I am up to during these formative years. I wanted to have something to show my future kids, and to tell them that writing is a good way to express themselves, and to express their feelings, rather than doing something else (something nasty).

I trotted on, a few posts for a few weeks, and I was still satisfied. I read and met (figuratively) a few writers, and visited their worlds. I went with them in their travels, and I communicated. I chanced upon a few blogs that generated a few numbers that I only encountered whenever I play Monopoly. 6 digit visitors per day, 5 digits and even 3 digits. As my stats show, I am happy to have at least 1 or 2 visitors per day. This is when I started telling myself that I need to get more visitors.

I was caught up in the numbers. I wanted to get more views, and more interactions. When I did not get it, I felt sad, and felt like I was bad at writing. I wanted to get more visitors so bad that I almost wrote product reviews and posted it on other websites, like a spam comment. I even started promoting my blog through Facebook, but I have stopped doing so, and even deactivated my Facebook account.

Luckily, I was able to shake this feeling off. I remembered my reason for creating this blog in the first place: to have a personal journal.  My main reason was to write for myself, and not for others. I almost got carried away with the numbers.

Sometimes, I get lucky and get more viewers on one day, but admitting that I will never be an internet sensation is easier than trying to be one. I am not selling out, as what they say. I don’t want to write about one specific topic because for sure, I will run out of gas, knowing myself.  I have too limited knowledge of any topic that I pretty much will be spewing nonsense almost immediately.

Randomness, here we continue.

Buying a House

You know you’re getting old when you start thinking about getting a house.

That’s exactly what I’m feeling right now, because that’s exactly what we’re doing. This is one of the reasons why I am trying to be as tight with my money as possible. I get a lot of ribbing and comments about how I don’t have a life, or I should get a new phone, or I should go shop, but I don’t let it get to me. You can buy your iPhones and Blackberries, I’m looking at more important things.

Marla and I started looking at a few houses last Sunday. We went to Gran Seville in Cabuyao, Laguna. I fell in love with one of the houses there, but what others me is the location. It is too far from my work place. I’m thinking of buying it and then having it rented out for the mean time, which surprisingly, is the same thing her mom was thinking.

The place was really nice. It has a clubhouse, a playground for kids, and a basketball court too.

Here’s a video to give everyone an idea of what the place, and the houses, looks like:

Here’s a few pictures too:

Location is one of the main obstacles that we’re facing, and I’m hoping to see a house nearer Makati.

Story Telling

I recently had the opportunity to talk to groups of students about financial management. Funny but I found myself talking about my life again, specifically about my childhood and my experience in school. One of them asked me to write about it so they can share it with their friends, since they found it “interesting”. Now I am not entirely sure if they have used the term “interesting” as a positive thing, but I’ll take it as it is. I have been putting this off for a while, but now I think I would be following this through. I would try and create a new page following that theme.

Hopefully this would be a project that I would be able to complete, not just start.

A few more inspiring reads related to the project:

  • ABNKKBSNPLAko?! by Bob Ong (a Local Author)
  • The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls
  • Queen of The Oddballs by Hilary Carlip

I created a page for that project, but all you would see is the tentative titles. Hopefully the page would be up soon.

I also hope I don’t get a review like what Atlas got in her post: please click here to view the whole post

Time for a Change, Again.

I read most of my posts in this new blog, and compared it to my older blogs. By old, I meant really, really old blogs. Two years ago, and older.

Sad to say that I have lost touch.

I am not saying that I am a great writer. I am in no way even a good writer. It’s just that the posts are no longer the same. Do you know the saying that you’ll know when it’s over? After reading my last posts, I had a feeling that it would all be over, if not yet.

I feel like I lost the passion to write. Maybe because when I was younger, I had so much apathy to everyone and everything around me. Not because I wanted to, but because I was influenced by the environment to hate every single thing, living or not, outside of my immediate family, for security reasons. I can’t trust anyone because I didn’t have the luxury to, or so I think. All of this gave me a different perspective, a different world.  A different left and right hemisphere that spews out different thoughts and observations, and with that came numerous posts that I found very satisfactory.

And that is the point.

I felt satisfied with my posts. Every time I hit the Publish button, or whatever button on another site, I have always felt like I did my brain justice, my experience thanked a million times and shared nicely. Now, all I feel is the obligation to post at least once or twice a week, just to keep my blog rolling. I don’t even have a tingle of that satisfaction. Maybe sometimes, but not enough.

All the pain (no emo) as a youngster, helped guide the hand glide through the keys. The brain, directly connected to the hands, and it types as the brain thinks. Split second difference. Like Tupac said, “I go blind and let the Lord do His thing” or something similar. My own version of the Ghetto Gospel. My own story, and my own storytelling.

Is that what I am missing now? I am hoping not.

I look at the blogs of my acquaintances from college and even high school. Some of them, just fresh bloggers. But I don’t want to call myself a blogger. I just want to be a writer, simple and plain. Not even a professional one.  I just want to tell myself that I can write.

I look at the blogs of acquaintances from college and even high school. I don’t want to join the bandwagon, though. It’s not for me. I don’t want to promote senseless products, or products that I don’t really need. I don’t want to force humor in every post, or put too much emphasis on trying to be intellectual. I don’t want to follow famous authors’ style of writing. I want to have my own, or better yet have them emulate me.

I don’t like the direction where my journal is going either.

I read all the blogs that I follow. Don’t get me wrong. I love how they express themselves, and that’s one reason I transferred to WordPress. I feel more content after reading the blogs. Maybe it’s the community, or maybe it just the writers themselves. I just don’t feel the content I get after reading their post, compared to after I publish my own.

Maybe the cure is to post only when I really feel like it. But that’s another change I didn’t want to happen. Back then, I was able to write at will, with the same level of contentment all throughout. It shouldn’t be a problem for me now, or so I thought.

If it takes me weeks to get back on track, maybe that would be necessary. I worried about statistics too much for the past months that I failed to remember why I even started writing and posting online in the first place.

I want to let my future child/children know how fun it is to write, and to read. I want them to read my thoughts when I was younger, when I was their age. I want them to follow. I want them to write every difficulty, obstacle they face and how they triumphed over it, so that they would be able to share it to their children.

I remember my love for drawing. I used to draw a lot when I was a kid. I literally drew on our walls just to satisfy my urge to draw. Then I got cooped up in an educational institution that did not support my love for drawing. Same thing happened to writing. Every school I have been never really helped develop any or all of my potentials, if any.

I’ll start by reading more. I have mentioned that I have been reading the blogs that I follow. I would look for more blogs that pique my interest, and for more books and magazines. I lost touch with these paperback friends, and it is entirely my fault.

I would like to get back on track. One post at a time.