Aches and Pains

My body hurts all over. I feel like I have bruised a rib, torn my hamstring, injured my calves, separated my pectoral muscles, and anything else that will give you an idea of what body pain is, I have it. Remove a little exaggeration here and there, and you still have an idea of what I am going through.

I played my first basketball game since a year or so ago yesterday. I was not planning on playing ever again, but one of my original teammates is rendering his final days with the company, and he wanted to play one last game with us. The result is underwhelming, at least for me, and painful too.

I let my youngest brother tag along, and he could have ran circles around us if only he used a better pair of shoes. His did not have enough traction, so he wasn’t able to play too well. He still destroyed us though.

Now, aside from the body pains, seeing my youngest brother play the way that I have always hoped to play reminded me of why I stopped playing in the first place. I have lost a step, or maybe all of my steps when it comes to the sport. Basketball has never been good to me, and as time passes by, it just keeps on being a bitch.

The first five minutes was great. I was running as fast as I have, and getting the ball was a cinch. A swipe here, and we have a fast break. I scored the first two baskets with ease. Then the old man syndrome arrived. I wheezed all the way to the other end of the court, hoping not to vomit. I looked at the clock, and we still had two hours left.

The only good news is that we have two new teammates, who are playing in the Philippine Basketball Association (the country’s only pro league) Developmental League, so we have a real chance of getting to the championship round this year. Unfortunately for me, I will not be able to play with these guys since my wife’s due date will be on the same month as our Sports Fest.

This maybe what almost every parent felt like, or even older people, with or without a kid. Seeing your dreams destroyed by reality, and abruptly stopped by life. I have a boy coming in a few months, Alpha, and I am looking forward to supporting his hopes and dreams. I am just afraid that I may try to force him to achieve whatever I haven’t, since admittedly, I still dream of being a baller.

I still literally dream of playing in a crowd of thousands, with the clock running down to almost zero, and with the ball in my hands. The score tied, and the season hanging in the balance.

This is more painful than the physical pain. The what ifs, the should have-could have-would haves, and the I know I could have been. 

The D-Leaguers want to start formal practice, with real pro drills and coaches, next week. I am thinking of joining, with the hopes of resurrecting my dead career, but I am also thinking of following through on my “retirement” plans. If I join, it will be the first time that I will have someone teach me how to play, and it maybe the only time that I will be able to work with a pro. Maybe if I get back in shape. Maybe it will get me back in shape.

Or maybe I’ll just wait for Alpha, and let my kid play.

Who knows?

Goodbaby for my Baby

I fell in love with this stroller the first time I saw it.

I admit , it’s a bit too early since we are not expecting our Alpha until late April, or early May. I’ll just keep looking at it everyday in anticipation of his arrival.

Oh, and we also bought him a nice folding crib. We were supposed to buy our office clothes and shoes, but when we passed by the baby section, we forgot what we came to the mall for in the first place.

The joys of parenting.

Husband Problems

  The nearer we get to my fiancee’s due date, our first baby,the more excited anxious I get. To all the pro-dads out there, is this normal? Or am I thinking and worrying too much?

   On another note, I am looking at her right now, she is sleeping. I just picked her up from work, and she was too tired so she slept immediately. I tried waking her up, as I was instructed, after a few minutes so she can continue her pre-sleep ritual, but she wouldn’t budge. I let her continue sleeping, and went to the “deep thought” zone. 

  I always had a plan for the future. I wanted to get my target managerial post. I wanted to save enough money and then I was planning to propose to her. I wanted it to be a nice surprise, because she has been watching a lot of proposal videos and I wanted to give her something to remember too. I wanted to do it in front of our friends, in a nice, quiet place. I wanted to buy an engagement ring that she would appreciate, and I wanted to have a garden wedding, or even a beach wedding. I wanted to be able to buy our own home in a quiet, gated community, and I wanted to raise our kids there. I wanted to raise them like my parents raised me, and support them in any endeavor. I wanted to be able to keep ourselves fit, and healthy. All this and more, with her. 

  Unfortunately for us, life is a dick, as it always have been. 

Image

  She got pregnant earlier than planned, and although my fiancee is about to get her first promotion, I still would have preferred her to be a housewife, like she imagined herself becoming. Alas, with the way things are going, we both will need to work until our son graduates. I am not sure of my own development in the company, because of the way the economy is going. I have been advised to wait for my target position, since this year is not a realistic year to try and apply. 

  I honestly feel guilty that I am not able to fulfill her wish. Most of the time, I feel guilty that we’re even together. She could have ended up with a much more handsome man, taller and richer, and everything Disney Princes are. I am the complete opposite, and she ended up with me. 

 Looking at her now, she looks so tired. I wish I was rich, so she no longer needs to work with slave drivers; so she never has to leave the house and work during nights and spend more than 10 hours per day in the office. I am so mad at myself. She could have ended up with a much better man. 

  Our son is almost here. The stork is scheduled to land on late April or early May. I want to apologize to him now, because I will not be able to provide him with the things that he wants, but I will try and provide him everything that he needs. I want to apologize because he will have to see other rich kids, and start wondering why we can’t be like them.

  I wish that life turns out better in the future for us. like any parents would.

  Damn, I’m calling myself a parent now.