April 25, 2015

So…

How do we do this again…?

Right…

I just type in the words…

Let if flow…

And, I’m out of words.

But seriously, having been tied up with daddy duties has left me with little to no time for myself, and for my hobbies for that matter. Now I know how my parents felt like.

I came back to this journal/blog because I have been feeling shitty (excuse my French). Work-life can be better, and my insecurities are getting worse. My self-confidence has been down ever since the start of the year, and it has not improved. The biggest mistake of mine was looking at some of my acquaintances’ Facebook profiles, and feeling even worse. I do not have anyone on my News Feed aside from my wife and immediate family, I just don’t know what came over me. I don’t know why I clicked their profiles.

Now, I feel worse than ever.

Advertisements

February 16 – “Daddy Duties”

Didn’t realize it was already February. Last post I had was around the 28th of last month. Here I thought it will be easier to post since I have my hardware now.

Let me give you a quick look of how my day to day looks like: I do my daddy duties every morning, and go to work at night. I take a nap with my kid to save energy, since I have to wait for my wife to come home and sub me from my daddy tasks. I get 4 hours of consecutive sleep every day, tops. Although that does not include the naps my son and I take. Depending on his mood, he normally naps for an hour, but some days, it only takes a few minutes. That leaves almost no time for anything else.

Not that I’m complaining.

One of my colleagues also noticed that I look more like a dad now. I instinctively touched my tummy, but thankfully he did not mean that I have a parent gut yet. He just wanted to point out the ever growing eye bags I currently have.

Ain’t that the truth.

January 5, 2015 – The Commute

I rode a bus to work for the first time in a few weeks.

That probably is the dullest introduction that you will read today, maybe ever.

I do not want to make it seem like a “first world problem” thing, but it is significant, at least for me.

My wife and I are working in the same company. Our company is located in the Philippines, but we follow US time zones. That means we work in the graveyard shift. I normally follow her schedule when I can, since her department is a little stricter with their schedules. As for my department, as long as I am not leading a training class, I am free to go to the office anytime I need to, as long as I complete the regular nine hour work (minimum).

A few things made me change that, though. I have observed that we are not spending much time with Alpha (our son), only 4 hours at the most. With all the work that we need to finish, we tend to stay in the office longer than what is expected. When we go home, sometimes we just play with Alpha a few hours and then we have to sleep for the next work night. There are days when we are just so tired that we just give him a kiss, and fall asleep, even if we don’t want to.

I decided to move to an earlier shift, and if possible, go back home during lunch and accompany my wife to work. Only problem is, traveling at night is a scary thing. There are times when my wife has to travel by herself. She normally takes a cab to get to work, but even then, her safety is still a concern. A lot of news about devilish cab drivers abound, which validates our fear.

If traveling via taxis are scary, utilizing buses are equally scary.

Buses can be held up. Yes, the entire bus, including the 40+ passengers are held up, and it is almost a regular part of the news. When I have to go home late at night or during the wee hours of the morning, I normally bring the least amount of money that I can, and I leave my gadgets at home. This still does not make me a hundred percent safe.

My first bus ride after a long time away from the public commute was a mixture of my regular paranoia, and discomfort. It’s been a while since I sat beside a complete stranger, and it did not help that the bus reeked of body odor.

At first, I was more “Oh s**t. Am I getting smelly?”

After a few quick sniffs, I realized (to my relief) that it was the bus chairs.

Traveling by bus is cheaper, so I guess I got what I paid for.

January 4, 2015

  • My twin brother got sick, and may not be able to go to work tomorrow. A few hours later, I came down with the colds. I think this is because I was ribbing him so much about just wanting to avoid work after a long holiday. I was trying to help my son to sleep when I sneezed about five times straight. Good thing he is not too sensitive to noise. I just hope he does not get whatever virus is currently circulating around the household.
  • He also made a remark about our “changed ways”, immediately detailing about how we, including my mom, are constantly looking at our smartphones and/or tablets, browsing the web or facebook. This hit home hard since I thought I was doing well balancing my online and offline life. I’m not the one to follow the trend of making resolutions, but I will be decreasing my “face down” time. I don’t want to have my son emulate this.
  • I’m starting to take a little more control of the clutter around the house. I think it’s the parenting instinct kicking in. I am starting to clean a little more frequently, and am thinking of ways to maximize the space that we have. Here I thought I was going to stay oblivious to the stuff building up inside the house. It’s also probably because of what my colleague showed me:

88f574ba250366ddfc74a5fa493c895ecffe710ff4450606fd3e1025820e033f

It’s her cabinet, formerly clean, white and blank. It now has a decal of one of her favorite characters, Kenshin Himura.

On to my next challenge: putting appropriate tags on this post. I’ll just have to get back to that later.

New

(This is also something new to me: using a Daily Post for a topic.)

I still can’t believe it. I am a dad now, happily married with a very cute son! Time flew by so fast.

With marriage comes a lot of unfamiliar, and sometimes uncomfortable, things. One of which is visiting my wife’s relatives, and attending and even hosting events! One of the most recent events that we hosted was our son’s baptism, held December 28, last year.

I am a loner, and growing up in a family with little to no interaction with relatives, I became socially awkward. I have been trying to improve, but I am still a work in progress. My family also had little financial capabilities, so we didn’t really have any major celebrations, skipping birthdays or traditional holidays altogether, like Christmas or New Year’s Eve celebrations. I am also an agnostic, meaning I am religion-free.

Hosting my son’s baptism was for my wife’s wishes, and hosting the reception was also her idea. I would have preferred a smaller gathering, strictly for immediate family members.

I didn’t really know what to do. I ended up just walking around and smiling awkwardly to her relatives and friends.

It was a smorgasbord of everything I was against, but the event, and myself, turned out quite well.

Here’s the only shot that I can share, my son not included. My wife and I are in agreement to keep our lives as private as possible, even limiting our pictures in this journal:

My Beautiful Wife and Myself

Who would have thought?

Kick Starter

It’s been almost half a year since I last visited my journal. I have no excuse now. I finally got my own laptop, I have somewhat adjusted on being a dad, and I most especially want to influence my son to start his own journal too.

A few changes I am going to make:

1. Avoid trying too hard: I have been a stat-crackhead. I wanted more people to visit my blog, so I have been exerting more effort in becoming who I am not. I will now be writing in my own style, although I don’t think I have a distinct style.No matter how short my post is, I should not care and just write it down and post it.

2. Address Alpha: In relation to #1, I will be addressing my son in my future posts to avoid going back to my old stat-whoring ways. I am hoping this will help me who my target audience is: my kids (hoping for 2 kids, maximum. One down).

3. Be more positive: I will try to be more cheerful, both on and offline. I don’t want to be too grumpy anymore, and I want to, again, be a good role model for my first born. I have started with the new theme, which also contains the color my wife and I picked for our son, blue.

I forgot a few more things. I will include them if I remember them.

Side note: I have to get used to the new WordPress user interface. I had to use the classic interface since this post kept appearing as a new page.

Fatherhood Related Hiatus

I probably should have posted this before my ongoing hiatus (now on it’s 48th-something day). I have been tied up with my first born, and all the daddy related duties that comes with him. I have to admit, I am rusty rustier now, more than ever. I’m having problems finishing this post, and I’m not saying I am a good writer. Average or below average, at best. 

I have to work on getting my schedule down pat. I’m looking at Sleep-work-exercise to fit in my daddy routines, which include, but are not limited to (my new favorite phrase; it sounds very lawyer-ish): feeding chou-chou (my pet name for my son; French for cabbage. It sounds cute, though), changing his diapers, cleaning the house, watching over him, going out for a stroll, and helping him sleep. 

He’s two months now, but he is already responding to anyone who talks to him. He is laughing now too. He likes it when people are talking. 

I got to start on that new page/site that I have been talking about. I need help balancing my schedule.

EDIT:

The new WordPress features are sweet!